How to Defend Yourself Against a False Domestic Violence Accusation

Being accused of domestic violence can be frightening and overwhelming. Especially if the allegations are untrue. In California family court, domestic violence accusations carry serious consequences, including loss of child custody, removal from your home, firearm restrictions, and long-term reputational harm.

While courts take domestic violence very seriously, false or exaggerated allegations can and do occur, often during contentious divorces or custody disputes. If you have been falsely accused, it is critical to understand your rights and how to defend yourself effectively.

This article explains how domestic violence accusations are handled in California family court and what steps you can take to protect yourself.

Understand What You’ve Been Served With

Most false domestic violence accusations arise in the context of a Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DVRO) request. In California, a DVRO is a court order issued under the Domestic Violence Prevention Act (DVPA) that prohibits certain behavior and contact.

The process usually begins when someone files a request for a DVRO, often accompanied by a temporary restraining order (TRO) that is issued by the judge without hearing your side. The TRO may:

• Prohibit you from contacting or coming near the alleged victim or your children
• Require you to move out of a shared home
• Order you to surrender firearms

A hearing will be scheduled within 21-25 days, giving you an opportunity to present your defense. This hearing determines whether a permanent restraining order will be issued for up to five years.

2. Take the Allegation Seriously(Even If It’s False)

Never assume that the truth will automatically protect you. Courts rely on evidence, declarations, and testimony—not assumptions. If you ignore the case or fail to prepare, the court may issue a restraining order by default, which can affect many areas of your life:

• You may be prohibited from seeing your children
• The order will show up in background checks, affecting employment or housing
• You may lose the right to possess firearms

A finding of abuse can also impact spousal support, custody, and visitation in your divorce case. Taking immediate action is essential.

3. Do Not Violate the Temporary Restraining Order

Even if the allegations are false, violating a TRO can lead to criminal charges and significantly harm your credibility in court. That means:

• Do not call, text, email, or message the protected party
• Do not try to communicate through friends or family
• Do not go to places the TRO prohibits (home, work, school, etc.)

If the protected party contacts you, you still must comply with the order. Violating it, even by accident, can be used as evidence of abusive behavior and may result in arrest or contempt of court.

4. Gather Evidence Immediately

Building a strong defense means collecting evidence that disproves or undermines the allegations. Helpful evidence may include:

• Text messages, emails, or voicemails showing friendly or neutral interactions
• Evidence that contradicts timelines or events (e.g., receipts, GPS data, work logs)
• Photos, videos, or recordings that disprove alleged incidents
• Witness statements from people who were present during key events

Keep everything organized and backed up. Avoid deleting or modifying communications. This could harm your case or be perceived as tampering.

5. Prepare a Strong Written Response and Declaration

You have the right to file a formal response to the DVRO request. Your response should include a declaration signed under penalty of perjury that tells your side of the story. In your declaration:

• Directly respond to each accusation in a calm and factual tone
• Avoid name-calling, blaming, or emotional language
• Attach and reference exhibits (text messages, witness letters, photos)

If the timing of the accusation coincides with a custody dispute or divorce, you can mention this, but do so carefully and respectfully. Judges are wary of retaliatory allegations on both sides.

Understand How “Abuse” Is Defined in Family Court

Abuse under the DVPA includes more than physical violence. Family Code § 6203 and § 6320 define abuse to include:

• Harassment, stalking, or threats
• Disturbing the peace of the other party
• Emotional abuse or coercive control
• Behavior that creates reasonable fear of harm

Many DVROs are granted based on patterns of emotional abuse, verbal intimidation, or controlling behavior. Your defense should be aimed at showing that the alleged conduct either did not occur, was mischaracterized, or does not meet the legal definition of abuse. For more information read our post on What is “abuse” under California Family Law.

Prepare for the Hearing

The hearing is your chance to present evidence, testimony, and witnesses. You can:

• Testify on your own behalf
• Cross-examine the person accusing you (or have your lawyer do so)
• Bring witnesses to testify
• Present exhibits, such as photos or written communication

Judges evaluate credibility carefully. Be respectful, stick to the facts, and avoid emotional outbursts. Let your documentation and logic carry the weight of your defense.

Address Child Custody Issues Head-On

If children are involved, a DVRO can trigger serious custody restrictions. Under Family Code § 3044, there is a legal presumption against awarding custody to a parent who has committed domestic violence.

To protect your custody rights:

• Show that the allegations are false or exaggerated
• Present evidence of your involvement in the child’s life
• Bring school records, calendars, or parenting logs
• Propose a realistic and child-focused custody plan

If the judge believes the child is at risk, you may be limited to supervised visitation or forbid visitation completely.

Be Careful Outside of Court

Your conduct during the case will be scrutinized, including:

• Social media posts
• Conversations with mutual friends or family
• Compliance with court orders

Avoid sharing anything about the case online. Don’t post about your ex or the legal process. Even private messages can be screenshotted and used in court.

Possible Outcomes

After the hearing, the court may:

• Grant a DVRO for up to 5 years
• Deny the request entirely
• Issue a mutual restraining order (rare)

If the order is granted, you may still:

• File for modification or termination later under Family Code § 6345
• Appeal the ruling in limited circumstances

If the order is denied, it will still be on record, but it will not carry the same consequences as a granted DVRO.

When to Seek Legal Help

It is critical to contact a family law attorney experience in domestic violence cases as early as possible in the process. If you have been served with a TRO or DVRO request, do not wait until the hearing date is close. Early legal guidance can help you:

• Understand the court documents and deadlines
• Prepare a strong written response and gather effective evidence
• Avoid unintentional mistakes, such as violating the TRO

A qualified family law attorney can also:

• Cross-examine witnesses at the hearing
• Help preserve your custody and visitation rights
• Protect your long-term legal interests in related divorce or custody cases

If you cannot afford an attorney, contact your local court’s self-help center or seek assistance from a domestic violence legal aid organization. Many counties offer free legal support for DVRO respondents.

Conclusion

False accusations of domestic violence can be deeply stressful and disruptive, but they are not insurmountable. With preparation, evidence, and the right strategy, you can protect your rights and tell your side of the story. Stay calm, stay focused, and treat every step in the process seriously.

Your future and possibly your relationship with your children may depend on it.