Holiday custody schedules are supposed to make this time of year calmer and more predictable. When one parent does not follow the plan, the stress can escalate fast. Missed exchanges, last minute changes, and broken agreements can disrupt your plans and create tension for your child as well. In California, the holiday schedule usually overrides the regular custody plan, so ignoring it is not a minor issue. It can become a legal problem that affects future parenting time decisions.
If your ex is not respecting the holiday schedule, here is what you need to know and what steps you can take to protect yourself and your child.
Review Your Court Orders First
Before reacting, read the exact wording of your custody and visitation orders. Look for details about exchange times, locations, transportation responsibilities, and how the holiday schedule interacts with your weekly routine. Many parents do not realize that the holiday plan completely replaces the normal schedule unless the order says otherwise.
If your order uses the standard California holiday schedule (FL 341C), confirm which holidays alternate each year and what time frames apply. Clear understanding helps you respond accurately and avoid unnecessary conflict.
Document Every Violation
Courts rely on evidence, not accusations. Begin keeping a simple record of any missed exchanges, late handoffs, or attempts by your ex to change the plan without mutual agreement. Save text messages, emails, screenshots of unanswered communications, and any documentation that shows what happened.
Keep your record factual. Do not add opinions or emotional commentary. A clean timeline will hold far more weight if you ever need to return to court.
Try Calm, Written Communication
If it is safe to do so, send a short written message that reminds your ex of the scheduled plan. Keep it polite, direct, and focused on the order.
For example:
“I am following the holiday schedule stated in our custody order. The exchange time is 3 p.m. at the usual location.”
Do not argue by phone or engage in long back and forth conversations. Written communication creates a clear record and reduces the chance of further conflict. You consider using a court approved co-parenting app for this.
Never Withhold Parenting Time in Response
It is tempting to react by taking away time or changing future plans on your own. Avoid this. Self help decisions can backfire in California family court and may put you in violation as well. Courts expect parents to follow the order even if the other parent is not cooperating.
Your strength lies in staying compliant and documenting any failure on the other side.
Consider Asking for a Modification or Make Up Time
If the violation is a one time issue, a direct conversation or a reminder of the order may be enough. If the behavior becomes a pattern, you may be able to request changes that protect your parenting time. Judges take repeated holiday violations seriously, especially if the behavior harms the child or disrupts traditions and extended family commitments.
The court can order makeup time, adjust the exchange schedule, add detailed instructions, or impose consequences for ongoing violations.
When to Involve Law Enforcement
Law enforcement can enforce certain custody orders when they are very clear and specific about dates and times. Not all officers will intervene, and police involvement can be stressful for everyone, especially your child. For this reason, it is usually a last resort and is most effective only when the other parent is outright refusing return of the child.
If safety is at risk, call the police immediately. Otherwise, consult your child custody attorney before involving law enforcement.
When to Return to Court for Enforcement
If your ex continues to ignore the holiday schedule, you may need to file a Request for Order to enforce the existing plan. Courts can issue sanctions, order supervised visitation, or modify custody if violations are serious or persistent. The judge will look closely at your documentation, your communication style, and your efforts to follow the order.
This is where having a clear record pays off.
Speak With a California Family Law Attorney
Holiday violations are frustrating and often emotional, but you do not have to deal with them alone. A California divorce attorney can review your orders, advise you on your options, and help you take steps that protect your rights without escalating conflict. If you believe the behavior will continue, getting legal guidance early is one of the most effective ways to prevent bigger problems down the road.
Final Thoughts
Holiday schedules are designed to give children stability and allow both parents to enjoy meaningful time with them. When one parent will not follow the plan, it disrupts far more than a single celebration. It can strain co parenting relationships and create uncertainty for the future.
Knowing your rights, keeping good records, and seeking legal help when needed can put you back in control and ensure that your child’s holiday experience remains consistent, peaceful, and protected.
Contact A Child Custody Lawyer Today
If you need a child custody attorney in Los Angeles or Orange County, contact Jafari Law and Mediation Office for a consultation. Our experienced team is dedicated to providing the compassionate and assertive legal support you need.
